Strong, Not Intimidating: Shifting the Narrative for Women Leaders

As a woman in senior HR leadership, I’ve spent years navigating the delicate balance between people, performance, and business priorities. My role has required me to make tough decisions, drive organizational change, and advocate for fairness. But through it all, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern—when women in leadership make decisive calls, set boundaries, or communicate directly, they’re often perceived differently than their male counterparts.

Early in my career, I remember confidently challenging an idea in a meeting. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t emotional. I simply disagreed. Yet afterward, a well-meaning colleague pulled me aside and said, “You should be careful. You don’t want to come across as too aggressive.”

That moment made me pause. Why was confidence in men seen as leadership, but in women, it could be perceived as too much?

Over the years, I noticed a pattern—women around me, talented and capable, receiving the same kind of feedback:

1. 🚫 “Be careful how you say no—it makes you seem uncooperative.”

2. 😨 “You’re intimidating. Maybe soften your approach.”

3. 🤝 “Try to be more collaborative.”

   
   

And yet, I saw my counterparts being praised for being decisive, even when they communicated in the same way.

As a People Leader, I know the importance of collaboration, empathy, and fostering a positive work culture. But I also know that leadership isn’t just about saying yes—it’s about making difficult decisions, prioritizing what truly matters, and sometimes saying no to what doesn’t align with the bigger picture. A direct “no” doesn’t mean someone isn’t collaborative; it means they are making a thoughtful choice.

The real challenge isn’t how women communicate—it’s how we perceive directness differently based on gender. Instead of expecting women to soften their approach, we need to challenge these ingrained biases. Direct communication isn’t a problem—it’s a leadership strength.

It’s time to shift our expectations. A confident woman isn’t “too much.” A decisive woman isn’t “intimidating.” A clear “no” isn’t a lack of collaboration—it’s strong decision-making.

When we start valuing leadership for its impact rather than outdated perceptions, we build stronger, more inclusive workplaces.

Have you ever experienced this bias? Let’s discuss.👇

#ShiftingMindsets #WomenInLeadership #HRLeadership

Best Regards,

The Reflective Lens